Water

It is another dark, rainy- wait, no it isn’t. It’s…dry? And the sun…is out? It seems in your panicked rush out of bed this morning that you completely ignored the fact that it is a pleasant, warm spring morning. 

You get out of your 2005 Ford Mondeo, confused in your usual heavy raincoat, and stare at a patch of strange coloured plants. This must be the colour ‘green’ you’ve heard about in movies. A cocoon bursts open to reveal a beautiful young butterfly, tenderly gripping a leaf, about to take its first flight into the air only to be nabbed by a passing bird. It’s all so wonderful. 

You take a deep, meditative breath…only to begin immediately coughing. 

You dumb, sexy fool! In your rush this morning, you forgot to have a glass of water! Your throat is dryer than Antarctica (technically the driest place on earth, look it up). You rush inside, ashamed.

As your eyes get accustomed to the soulless electric of the fluorescents, the office’s stagnant air hits the back of your throat like a bullet. You fall to your knees in pain, throat so dry you can feel your spine begin to crumble. 

You crawl, like a man stranded in the desert. Except the desert is your own mouth. You crawl, to the only place that might save you: the office water cooler.

But alas…it’s not there…replaced by a ‘Meme of the Week’ bracket. 

As you lie there, cursing Brian’s stupid office initiatives and the fact that Grumpy Cat is currently winning, you think back on all the times you took water for granted. How it hydrated you. How it was cold sometimes. How it hydrated you.

“In the Struggle between water and stone,

In time,

The water wins.”

Japanese Proverb

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Water. I know what it is. You know what it is. Blog post over, right?

But in all seriousness, being hydrated at the workplace is one of the most crucial steps in remaining productive and, well, alive. Suffice to say, you would not think that most people would need to be told to drink water. But a shocking 75% of people (well, Americans) admitted to not drinking a full glass of water a day. And for British ‘people’, I hate to say it but tea is not actually water. It’s tea. You may think your body is pleased with your 6 Sports Direct.com mugs of tea a day, but in reality, it’s crying out for some old-fashioned, clear H2 Goodness. So let me explain why hydration is key in the workplace.

Water is a pretty important part of our bodies. 60% of us is made of the stuff and our brain is a whopping 75% water. So think about what can happen to your brain if you’re not drinking enough. Look at you, you can’t even think about it cus you’re so dehydrated! Go get a glass now! I’ll wait……….you good? You spilt a bit on your shirt there. Hah, made you look. Anyway, drinking enough water each day strengthens our brain so that we are thinking clearly when working and not dealing with the various side-effects of mild dehydration, ranging from dry mouth, tiredness, less need to urinate, headaches, fogginess in the head and lack of concentration.

‘I know water’s healthy!’ you say to me in that annoying high-pitched whine of yours, ‘but how do I drink the recommended 10 cups a day while working?’ This can be a challenge for many people, as although water is exactly what the doctor ordered…his palette can be a little bland. Many people prefer a little jolt of energy from their beverage to keep them focused, from the caffeine in the aforementioned tea to the sugar in sodas to the literal radioactive waste in energy drinks (seriously, drinking energy drinks every day will kill you faster than heroin).  But there are thousands of ways to liven up your water experience: add some fruit, like lemon or orange. Or perhaps you want the spice of mint or basil? You could even drink water soaked in vegetables or have it carbonated if you’re a psychopath. Needless to say, there are countless ways to turn that cup of water into a taste sensation.

Another issue that drinking enough water at their workplace does bring is the issue of where to get it from…and where to deposit it after. Drinking 5-6 litres of water a day is definitely not gonna be conspicuous and you will need to urinate it out more frequently. Most people choose to bring a flask or bottle with them to work, but if your office water ain’t your style, that can be tricky.

Luckily, a few gentlemen on the internet solved this problem. Calling themselves the Hydro Homies, they are reclaiming our god-given right to schlop down as much water as loudly and proudly as we want. What started as just some innocent goofing has evolved into a full-blown charity, where every purchase of their merchandise guarantees safe drinking water for a family in a third-world country. So you can not only feel superior in your water drinking but feel superior in your choice to help support vulnerable people around the world. A pretty sweet deal if I say so myself.

So jump on the water wagon now! Not only will you be doing yourself a favour, but you’ll also be giving your work and your workplace one too.